There are several school of thought on arguing. Some want to call it “debating”, but we’re not talking about grabbing notecards, writing down your talking points, and letting a panel determine who was victorious. We’re talking about arguing…with your wife, with your parents, with your imaginary friend who won’t stop tickling your feet even though it is drivng you crazy…ahem…you get the idea.

Here are the steps you need to take to argue effectively, and (hopefully) reach some sort of result from the time you have taken to cross words with your opponent (and make no mistake…this is not a discussion…the person – or thing – you’re arguing with is an opponent).

• Know what you are arguing about – If you don’t know your subject you’re doomed from the start. If it’s your opinion on a topic like abortion, you need to be able to back up your feelings with facts and/or knowledge on the subject. “Abortion is wrong because I like babies” is not going to win your argument. You’ll have much better results if you can explain to someone that the final part of a Partial-Birth Abortion involves crushing the fetal skull to kill the fetis and “complete the abortion”.

  See the difference?

• Know if the argument is worth it – Why would I choose such a hot button argument like abortion as an example? Well, for this part right here. Before you start to argue with someone, you need to make sure that the argument is worth having. If you know the person that you’re arguing with, you probably know how they feel about a good number of subjects. If the argument isn’t going to change either of your minds, and is only going to serve to piss the both of you off, then maybe it isn’t so important that you have it.

  In other cases (say someone that you knew was considering an abortion and you wanted to talk them out of it) the argument may be well worth the harsh word and potential hurt feelings that will inevitably come from it.

• Be Blunt, but not Harsh – the line between arguing with someone and just trying to hurt their feelings is one that you can find yourself crossing very easily…and it is important that you be aware of it. If you’re trying to change someone’s mind, or fix a situation that has become broken, the only way you’re going to do it is by being frank and blunt about how you feel…but there is no reason to be harsh. Using harsh words, and trying to make the person you are arguing with feel bad isn’t going to fix the situation you are arguing about…and if fixing it is your ultimate goal, then you need to be aware of where that line is, and not cross it if you can help it.
• Listen to the Other Point of View – It doesn’t matter if you don’t think (or if you honestly KNOW) that what the other person is saying will change your mind. If you want them to listen to you, and to hear you out – you need to be good enough to do the same thing. An argument is two people talking. One person talking to another about what they are doing, or how they are wrong, is called a lecture.
  
  
• Know When to Walk Away – You have to know when enough is enough. If you’ve reached a point where you have nothing say, and there is no resolution in sight…then maybe you need to walk away from the situation. Staying in the argument after you have both said everything you have to say is where that line I talked about earlier often gets crossed. This is where an argument stops and a fight begins.

There are some people that argue for fun, and in those cases (arguing over Windows Vs. Mac, or Batman Vs. Wolverine) arguments can be fun and enjoyable…but more often than not, even the smallest argument (particularly with a spouse or loved one) mean a lot more than you can see on the surface. Being aware of this can help you avoid unwanted arguments, and hopefully, help you reach a positive solution.