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Even if you’ve seen the movie, in your real life, you still don’t know how to do what Julia Roberts did on Stepmom. That’s because being the newcomer in an already established family will require all your talents, courage, and skills. Remember when you were a new employee? Being a stepmom is a million times harder than that.
You might have won the father’s heart, but what about the kids? You bet it’s going to be a lot tougher than the dad and you’ll need to summon all your charms, and more importantly, your patience.
The biggest mistake you can ever do is to try to take the place of their real mom. Kids are very sensitive about their biological mother. The best thing for you to do is to take it one step at a time. Be friends with them by spending time with them doing fun activities such as badminton, picnics, or beach. Don’t push it. Give them time to let you inside their circle of trust.
Be very understanding of the attention the kids want from daddy. Of course you’ll want the dad all to yourself. After all, it’s your love story, right? The thing is, being a stepmom will require some major adjustments from you. Expect that the kids will be more demanding of their father’s time. This is understandable. Until they realize that you’re not competing with them for their father’s love, they’ll really get in the way. Give way.
Be yourself. When the kids finally realize that you’re not their mother wanna-be, they’ll start liking you for what you are. And don’t be afraid to be different from their mother. Remember that it is still your love story, and that you have a romance to enjoy. Besides, the father loved you because you’re you.
5 Responses
Leah
April 24th, 2009 at 11:36 am
1I guess i see what your saying but at the same time my fiance’ has two kids that are 4 and 3 years old. And they both wish i wasn’t around their daddy. I know they are only 3 and 4 years old but they do whatever they can to keep me away from him and i just dont think i am ready to take on the task of actually being a step mom. It’s just too difficult.
T
May 28th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
2I am a step mom of 2 the daughter is 10 and the son is 8. I have no children of my own. The relationship he was in prior to me ended due to her cheating. We have been married just about a year now. The mother decided she no longer wants to be a mother so she is hinting at dumping off the children to whom ever will take them. I am finding it VERY difficult to be emotionally connected to children that are not mine. I would expect their needs to come first to my husband, but they don’t come first to me. My husband is making hasty decisions in getting his kids back before getting our lives set up and ready for any child to come into our home. I care for these children but I do not love them. They are not my number one priority. The kids call me “mom” in public and I wish they woyld not. I know I sound like the wicked step mother, but I guess I have a hard time getting close to his children whe #1 I can’t STAND his ex, #2 I am not ready for my own children, so I’m definatly not ready for his. #3 My job is very very important to me and so is getting my life on track as far as finances and owning our own home. This is a very heated discussion my husband and I have. I know the feelings I am having are not unusual or rare and I know there are other women out there who have the same feelings as I. I just don’t feel close nor do I make an effort to be close to his kids….why? it’s almost where I dread visiting with them and being around them. We don’t compete for attention. Regardless of my feelings I know they come first, but I just would rather be around them once in a while then to have them come live with us, where does that leave the child I hope to one day have?
Abs
June 8th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
3I am a step mom of two, 9 & 12. They both adore me, and there is never a complaint about his ex, but I feel I am becoming more disengaged with them over time. My husband has no boundaries for the children. They are with us everyother weekend, and I have become to dread this time. I feel like a horrible person for being this way. When it is a weekend for them to visit, we cannot make any other plans (have friends over, go out for a couple of hours)because he feels like this shows them that they are not loved. They are sneaky around him, if I say or ask for them to do something they listen to me until my husband is near, then I get completely blowed off, because they know tthey can get away with things with him. We do compete for his attention, but that does not bother me most of the time, and I do my best not to show it. I feel that I do isolate myself when they are with us though. Whenever I try to address my feelings, of their being disrespectful of our things and not listening to me, my husband he blames me for “hating them”. He does not see that they are anything but perfect. They are good kids, and we do get along fine,but they are not mine.
fed up
August 14th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
4I hate being a step mother, I have the world’s worst loser step sons. One who wanted to be a drug dealer, but he was his favorite customer; and the other who beats severely every woman he gets involved with. Both of whom had the nerve to reproduce and between the two brought 10 other kids into the work all by different women. One of the two killed hiself and left us to raise one of his three sons. What a fricken task that is. I raised mine already and Im ready to retire not start all over. The biological father wants to keep his grandson to try to make up for what he did not do right with the other two, I think its a bit late and it will not make him feel any different. Any good divorce lawyers out there? Need serious help!!!!
fed up
August 14th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
5Never marry a man with kids
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